Dejected Crushed Destroyed

Hai. I hate my life now. Studies should be my top priority currently. Yet I don't feel like, and don't really give a shit about it. Thinking considerably hard about my future, I feel that I don't really have to go to a good university or get considerably good grades to really advance in life. I mean, like my passion aint in studying. Even though my talents may really be limited, I think I can still live life simply by getting a basic job to make ends meet. Do I really have to force myself to do something I dislike? Yet on a further notice, I really do enjoy studying sometimes. Its just that my attention span is as long as it can ever be. Around approximately 5 mins. On a better day it can reach a 6. If a miracle happens a 8 is the maximum it can ever goes. I need a goal. To focus really hard on. I used to have a goal. Yet as the days go by, the objective of the goal drifts further and further away from me. Laugh at me all you want but I just wanna live a simple life and work really really hard to give the person I love the best. And only the best. That's why I look really forward to doing well in my education. To get a white-collared job. Preferably FedEx. I like their uniforms. But I don't wanna get abandon by a dog. So most likely I'll be a typical engineer in some small developing firm that has the prospective outlook of growing into a multi-national company in the future. Then I'll be like a pioneer member. The founding members of XXX company. If it was up to me, I'll call it Famile. The e has to be with a slanted dash. Kinda like Italian. To make it classy and stuff. Most importantly, it rhymes with family. Awww how heartwarming. But that was in the past. Now Im just a godforsaken person who practically lives a life of misery. Kinda like drifting on the streets. Like the homeless. SA2. Fuck. Seriously Im getting really pissed off man. If I hadn't retain 2years back, I'll probably be serving my nation now. And I could have gotten decent grades, since I'll be under the influence of my good friends who study every freaking day. Now, I rarely even studied for 5 FKING mins. Per Week. Im screwed. Can I retain twice? 4 years in JC. WTF. I'll be like the oldest student there. Ok maybe not. Coz I know a JC1 whos like 21 years old. Freaking awesome man. But with my matured looks, I think I'll be dam retarded if I stayed on for 4 years. Life's a bitch. I think after secondary school life in VS I have been regretting every single decision I have made since then. Seems like they are all bad choices. Like the O levels. I should have persisted during the last week. BUT NO. I just had to play stupid computer games. Then I forgot everything I did in the past 6 months. I got a L1R5 of 17. Fuck. First bad decision. Second bad decision was most likely NOT STUDYING AT ALL FOR MY FIRST PROMO EXAMS. ok. Fucked up again. Third bad decision.. Hmmm.. ok.. falling out with nearly the entire class of 08s26. But then again, it wasn't exactly my fault. But fuck it, who cares anyways. I know for sure they certainly don't. I most certainly wasn't the person who initiated the cold war in the first place. Speaking of cold wars, my entire life is totally based on it. Like being really close friends but all of a sudden because of a misunderstanding that is most likely unresolvable until either party gives in, i will certainly not talk to that person ever again. Like for the rest of my life. Unless like a period of a few years and things ain't that awkward between us again. But then again, a few of my closest friends currently have gone through the cold war stage. i think our friendship endured the freaking cold war and we bonded even closer after that. But for girls, I don't know whether thats the case. Seems like every single freaking girl hates me to the core if she decides not to talk to me again. Like a certain G person. What the hell is her problem seriously man. I'm totally cool with us not talking but then again she has to come and irritate me with shit. yea bitch. one day u gonna pay. I dun mind u annoying me. But I will never forget the incident where u tore up my best "girl" friend's relation with me. Fuck man. Thinking of that gives me a pain in my heart. IT HURTS. I think she freaking hates me now. Not the G bitch. I don't give a shit. But HER. Sian. Wonder when will our relationship get any better. The year's ending soon and I don't wanna have regrets for the rest of my life. But still the same old phrase. Im not worthy.. of her beauty... Sha Zi