Pouring out my soul.

Hey. I wonder will u actually be even wasting ur time by reading this post that Im writing. But still if I dun get it out of my mind Im gonna drive myself crazy. Im feeling very miserable... I know that often u may jokingly say that U hate me. But the feeling of being really hated by u is really a horrid feeling. I dun like it a single bit. I would rather that u scold me or even call me sha zi rather than just giving me the cold shoulder. Now I get how u feel when I gave u the cold shoulder last time. Right here I would like to apologize to u and I will like to confess that actually I wanted to talk to u. But U juz seem kinda happy chatting with the others and as time goes by I juz silently sit there and it may appear to u that I might seem unhappy or even emo-ing. These few days I didnt mean to ignore u a single bit. I wanted to walk up and say HI loudly like I used to in the past but I was afraid that u may ignore me or just shrugged off. Each time I went up to talk to u I juz feel that u seem kinda cold to me becoz u will juz either intentionally or accidentally ignored my existence. As the days goes by I have become afraid of being rejected by u that I totally juz fade out. If seeing my very existence pains u a little bit I dun mind even being invisible to u. I juz wished that we could go back to the PW days when I will occasionally do something stupid and u will laugh like crazy. I realli dunno whether is it that U have changed or I have changed. I have given myself many reasons why are u hating me. U may say that u are tired but I can feel that's not the complete reason. Perhaps its my attitude or just me. Maybe U have tolerated me long enough and u juz think that its time I should juz get out of ur life. Regardless of anything u do, as long as it makes u happy I dun mind that u hate me or ignore me or anything. I juz hope that this year will be the year for u to make a difference for urself in ur life becoz u used to be too timid to try alot of things. I hope that maybe u can be more daring in facing new challenges and overcoming them. I know that this year U will definitely lead it to ur fullest. Hope that u can always stay happy and healthy for the whole year or even ur whole life. Its been a long time since I've seen u smile honestly..
PS: I just wished that things can be as happy as they used to be... I want a happy ending for once...
Sha Zi..